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Recently I was pondering on the struggles and confusion of the past couple years. I, like the old testament saint, have been looking up to God and saying: "If all is well, and you are with me, then why am I like this"? Friends haven't been much help, thier perspective is not mine and I am thankful for them it is not. As much as she loves me and is a gift from God, I find it hard to explain the struggles in me to even my amazing wife.
I think at times, this is The Lords way of steering us to Him. I can explain in word the battles, struggles and wrestling that is going on in my heart and mind, but really you are limited in your response and empathy to what you have known. Even if we share very common experiences, I can not expect you to fully understand me, and that is okay.
The Lord sees all and knows all. He has been there through it all. I think that is part of my struggle at times. I dont see that as helpful in my thinking. I was walking yesterday and praying about the past, and how I knew I had to release it, but just wish I had answers from Him. I heard in my heart, as I have so many times, "I was with you through it all. I was right there". I usually answer with a thank you, but sometimes, like yesterday, I was in a real, real mindset.
You know what I mean? I was not in for any pleasantries and faith talk, or Christian speak. So I looked up to God and said, "That isn't really helpful to know right now". Now I know this isn't an accurate depiction of God, but lets be real, faith is a struggle sometimes isn't it? Especially if you dont walk in a fluffy blind faith , where you act like nothing is real and everything is just peachy.
However, I continued my retort: "How is that helpful Daddy? I mean I cant imagine sitting there watching my little boy go through that and not stopping it." Imagine me telling a cop, well I didn't stop my kid from being abused, attacked, and harmed by an evil man, because well, that is the world we live in. I imagine the cop saying, "Sir could you have stopped it? Yes officer. "Could you have prevented it before it started?" Yes officer. "Well then you are going to jail for child neglect and endangering the welfare of a child."
This is one reason I hated the movie "The Shack" . It gave me a pit in my stomach. It triggered a combination of a raging anger and righteous indignation that they would portray God as a neglectful Father who could have stopped the little girl from being raped and murdered, but cared more for the rapist and murderer. That there were no real wicked people, no matter what horrific act they committed. That movie just pissed me off.
It left me angry at sin, wickedness, the writers, and I must admit God. I think I actually gave Him the cold shoulder for a few days after. Please dont message me or comment with your grand revelations of Gods Grace and such. I know, I know, I know. Please dont give me a "WORD" about how you can see there is unhealed bitterness and anger in me and that is why I was triggered. Yeah, no duh, that is the point of this article as I bring it to a close.
You see, the fact is that God was there the whole time. The fact also is, and disagree if you like, there are some things he cant stop, or else He would. Angels do have a powerful ministry of protection, but for whatever reason thier hands are tied in many instances. Again every reason you can come up with why that is so, there is just as valid a counter to say why it shouldn't be so.
So we can either come to the conclusion as any police officer or court would that The Lord is a neglectful Father that has no problem watching His Children suffer at the hands of evil, while He sits by and does nothing. Or we look deeper and see that we are indeed in a battle, on foreign land, poorly equipped, poorly funded and poorly trained to dominate in this battle. That, for reasons we will Not understand this side of Glory, Gods hand is limited in what He can do on earth, by what His People declare about Him, believe about Him and have Faith IN Him for.
We are living in an earth that is hopelessly broken, forever cursed in its current state, and filled with an unredeemable evil. We must come to the final conclusion that mankind is indeed cursed and part of the kingdom of darkness. We must have a revelation that there is no hope for man, in man. That there is no government, NGO or Non-Profit that can redeem mankind from this curse and renew their hearts of stone. We must embrace the truth of why Christ came, suffered so horribly both naturally and spiritually, in order to save us from the pure wickedness and evil that covers the world.
Jesus came to reveal, to conquer and to undo all The Works of The Devil. I am not sure we can fully understand who our Lord is without understanding who our enemy is. We cant fully embrace the Great Commission without fully understanding why we were commissioned , what we have been equipped with, and why that commission and equipment is crucial to Our Father showing just how loving He is.
We can show the crying world, the broken child, the grieving mother, the distraught father, that God is here NOW. We can show them in action and demonstration that He is a Strong, Powerful and Loving Father. That Jesus IS ALIVE NOW.
But, He provided ONE WAY, ONE MESSAGE AND ONE BODY , to do that. He legally invaded the Kingdom of Darkness with The LIGHT and paid the price of mans Freedom with ONE BLOOD. The Blood of Jesus. All this gave man the ability and right through that blood to become sons and daughters of God.
We must engage fully The Great Commission. We must allow The Lord to remove the dross from our lives and churches. We must take The Light of Jesus and shine ii right in the face of every demon, evil spirit and dark hole Gods enemy is keeping people bound in.
Oh it will be messy. Scary for some. It will cause the demons to cry out and beg not to be cast out. It will cause our nice churches to be filled with the sick and crippled looking to be healed. It will cause the drug addict's, prostitutes, gang members and sexually immoral to come begging at the Throne of Grace for Mercy. It will cause the rich and well cleaned up to see just how poor and filthy they are.
Oh, but it will be so glorious every time we show the little ones, the broken ones, the bound ones and the dying ones that Jesus is ALIVE and He is with them, with them, with them.
Oh Lord forgive us for not following your Command and Commission. Forgive us for trusting in mans efforts and futile methods. Forgive us for playacting to an evil so filthy it hides in plain sight as it destroys life after life. Strip us of all hope in the weak and impotent things of entertainment and comfort.
Build us into an Army FULLY EQUIPPED WITH YOUR POWER, MIGHT, STRENGTH, ABILITIES and Gifts, all operating in your Great Commission, motivated by Your Great Love and Compassion.
You are a Good, Good Father. Now empower us Lord. Reach through us to heal, to perform signs and wonders ALL IN THE NAME AND COMMISSION OF YOUR HOLY SON JESUS! You are good and your mercy endures forever.
