The Dream That Wasn't A Dream- Coming Face To Face With My "Fetus-in-Fetu"

 

 Many years ago I had an experience that I do not know if it was a dream or I stepped out of my body and stood in the place where the spirit world meets our natural world.  It came a couple years after another experience where I stepped out of my body while sleeping on my couch. I sat up and walked toward the window, but when I looked back I was still sleeping on the couch. I was drawn to my front window and was looking out it but didn't see anything. Although I couldn't see anything I knew I was looking out the window for a reason. I walked back over to my body and laid back down in it. 

 I didn't find much significance to that experience at the time, and still do not know what it was for. Maybe it was just preparing me for the experience I am about to explain. 

 
 

 I was laying in bed sleeping next to my wife. I looked up and saw a human form standing there. I stood up and I felt as if I left my body sleeping. As I looked at the figure I was confused. It  was me, but not me. It was as if I had an identical twin, but this twin looked like a "dead" version of me, He looked extremely sad, extremally lonely and was blue. 

 He didn't speak , but I could tell he wanted to "move back in" to my soul. His eyes were like a lost puppy or a rejected child. He spoke to me through his eye. He wanted so desperately to be rejoined with me.  My soul felt bad for him, but I told him that he had to leave. He stood there, not wanting to, but I commanded him again to leave. 

 He slumped his head and began to walk away, but as he did , I felt something in me drawing him back, and he sensed it. He turned back and looked at me like an child seeing if he could run back to an angry parent. I said again, this time it hurt me to say, "no you have to leave". This happen several more times. As he would turn to leave, something in my soul would draw him to turn back toward me again.  One final time with a resolve from within, I told him he had to leave. I laid back down. 

 My reason for sharing this experience is because I believe this played out recently in this natural realm in my life and I want to inform others on their journey of a pitfall, so they can avoid it.  

 I was experiencing a time of freedom and deliverance in my walk with The Lord. He has been so faithful to bring certain keys of deliverance into my life. Through a time of preparation with a coach , time in His Word and a return to in person services where His presence was manifesting in deliverance and healing,  He has broken free from several major strongholds in my soul. 

 Then the other night I had some very disturbing dreams. They came at a bad time, but that is when The Tempter comes, he looks for a more opportune time.  I woke up in the morning with a resolve not to allow those dreams to cause me to fall. I declared that The Lord was faithful and I was not going to allow the attacks on my dreams to doubt His Goodness. The Holy Spirit was with me. I could sense His presence helping me, leading me and strengthening me. 

 Then something happened that triggered a depression of sorts in me. Even then , The Lord was with me, I was led to admit somethings out loud, and except somethings  by giving voice to them. It was very difficult, but at the same time freeing. 

 However, as the day dragged on, I sensed the old stronghold of the fog of depression falling over my mind. Not a depression that is normally talked about, but more like the twin version of me I talked about above.  The clarity I had known for the past few weeks began to fade. I was saying the words of freedom, but I was allowing the lying whispers of defeat speak stronger than The Holy Spirit. 

 The amazing thing about The Lord is that He was right there with me. He didn't leave me, nor did His presence weaken at all as I slid down the slope. I then began to remember the experience I had that I spoke about above and I watched it play out the rest of the day and into the night.  I let that depressed spirit hang out just a little too long. The Lord was saying "just rest in my presence" but I kept drawing the old thing back to me by allowing self pity and self introspection to fog my mind and dampen my spirit. 

 Self pity was a major part of the hidden "spirit" that grew inside me all my life. The broken child, the abandoned child, the abused child, the scared child was pushed down and hidden under layers and layers of coping sins and weights. The Lord pealed away those things to expose the parasitic twin that hindered me all my life. The twin that fed on my creativity , took away my God given strength and wisdom.  This alternate version of myself was working in cooperation with its task masters of the flesh and the devil.  

 I said all that to say this. God is faithful. I may have fallen that day, I may have allowed myself to embrace that parasitic version of myself, but I also learned what it looked like when it manifested in the natural course of my life. I learned so many things about myself, The Lord and what has kept me tripping up over and over, year after year.

  I will end with this, and I hope you really hold it close to your heart. A pastor at my church recently shred this version of this scripture and it really spoke to me. It speaks to the very heart of all this and I am willing to bet so many of the struggles many of you face. He is all in on setting you free, He truly wants to cover you and free you. He wants you to rest in him, even when the storms of your heart, flesh and mind are raging. 

 Often times we think resting in The Lord means that our emotions are resting. We don't think these verses will apply to us, because  our soul is in turmoil, our flesh is burning and we feel unworthy. However, these are the very times we need our Comforter, Our Healer, Our Advocate, Our Strength and Our Deliverer. 

 I plead with you to draw close to Him, no matter what you feel, what you have done, or how far you have fallen. Come out of the darkness, and into The Light of His Kingdom. He has already provided for you and prepared a place for you there. Not in the sweet by and by, but right now. 

Matthew 11:28-30 The Message Bible

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

 

 

 

 

You Are LOVED!

 

  I knew in my heart the reason behind the shootings around Atlanta before it was released. I am sure there are some that really wanted it to be about race, but the real reason comes from the same place. A religious spirit mimicking The Spirit of Christ and a misunderstanding of The Gospel of Grace. The LORD does not bring shame on the heads of His Children. A religious spirit does that. A mean, legalistic, ignorant uninformed doctrine that believes God is a mysterious figure that has not been touched by our infirmities and doesn't understand our struggles. 

 Does He long for His Children to follow Him and leave sin behind? 

 100% YES! But, it is a process , for some a lifetime process that His grace is sufficient to cover and love them, you and me, just as if we had never sinned. 

 Are there consequences to sin? Of course Have you looked around you recently? 

 

 Murders, rapes, suicide, child abuse, elder abuse, horrific acts of war and terrorism. Broken families, alcoholism, drug addiction, violence , hatred, anger. 

  If we have been shown anything in the past year it is that religion, even if it hijacked The NAME OF JESUS, is mean, ignorant, childish and destructive. That is not The Gospel of Jesus. That is not The Spirit Of God. That is not The Reason in which Christ was revealed. Not the REASON why The Son of God was manifest in these last days. 

 On behalf of THE LORD and The Real Church. I ask for forgiveness from all who read this. I ask you to forgive us for embracing a lie in order to avoid The Truth. Forgive our foolishness' and ignorance of the things we proclaim to understand. Forgive us for raising children that are ashamed of thier bodies and ashamed of thier natural sexual urges. 

 Forgive us for painting a picture of an angry God that wants to kill and judge all who dont live up to the standard we alone created. Forgive us for leaving behind the very tools and truths that The Lord gave us in order to demonstrate to you His Love, Power , Glory and defeat of the one that causes all your pain and sadness. 

  Forgive us for coming to you with big bold words, fancy clothing, eloquent oracle speeches and well spoken man made prayers. Instead of coming to you with The Great Commission of Christ in The Power of The Holy Spirit WITH DEMONSTATIONS of healings, miracles and unusual signs and wonders. All motivated by The True LOVE OF GOD. Nothing else, nothing added, nothing expected in return. 

  Forgive our powerlessness and impotence, and total lack of faith in THE FACT that Jesus wants to show Himself and reveal Himself and The MANIFOLD WISDOM OF GOD through The Church to the entirety of the seen and unseen world. He wants to heal the terminally ill. Restore the broken mind and set free the harassed soul. 

 You see The Church should have been a place where this young man could have found wisdom, strength and grace. Where the spirit of shame had no chance to take hold. No, not where he would find an excuse to engage all the sin he felt tempted by, but a place to find the grace to learn, grow and shed the old ways like a worn out skin. A place to experience the saving grace of God. Where the joy of His presence is all the bread and water a man or woman needs. 

 But, at the same time a place where every man and woman knows they are His and He never gives up on them, ever. Just as Jesus told Peter, if a man sins against you 7x 70 times a day and comes and asks for forgiveness, we are to forgive them. He has an even higher standard than that for Himself. 

 Shame is an evil work from a fallen world used as a weapon to keep people from ever knowing the real Love of Christ. The religious men threw the woman down in front of Jesus that was caught in adultery expecting Him to call for her stoning and judgement. 

 They wanted to shame her openly and have Jesus do the same. Most of you know the story. He simply said the one of you that has no sin cast the first stone. Notice what happens next. From the oldest to the youngest they dropped thier stones and walked away. The bible doesn't waste words. There is a reason it was recorded this way. The oldest ones knew from a lifetime of trying to keep the law, even with all thier natural barriers, rules and traditions and threat of stoning, they still fell to the desires of the flesh. They still sinned sexually at least in thier minds and hearts if not thier bodies.

  Notice also what Jesus says to after they all leave. Where are your accusers , is there no one left to condemn you? Then neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more. He wasn't telling that it was okay to be an adulteress, just that He saw her heart, He forgave her, He wasn't going to condemn her to hell for it. He gave her grace to change. A grace that is enduring and powerful. A grace that if they would have thrown her down before him 490 more times that day, He would have forgiven her, over and over.

Romans 8 New King James Version Free from Indwelling Sin 

1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who[a] do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 

6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. 8 So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies [d]through His Spirit who dwells in you. Sonship Through the Spirit 

 12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba,Father.” 16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. From Suffering to Glory

  18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. 19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 

 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. 23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. 24 For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? 

 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. 26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 

 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. God’s Everlasting Love 31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? 33 Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. 

 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written: “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.