The Dream That Wasn't A Dream- Coming Face To Face With My "Fetus-in-Fetu"

 

 Many years ago I had an experience that I do not know if it was a dream or I stepped out of my body and stood in the place where the spirit world meets our natural world.  It came a couple years after another experience where I stepped out of my body while sleeping on my couch. I sat up and walked toward the window, but when I looked back I was still sleeping on the couch. I was drawn to my front window and was looking out it but didn't see anything. Although I couldn't see anything I knew I was looking out the window for a reason. I walked back over to my body and laid back down in it. 

 I didn't find much significance to that experience at the time, and still do not know what it was for. Maybe it was just preparing me for the experience I am about to explain. 

 
 

 I was laying in bed sleeping next to my wife. I looked up and saw a human form standing there. I stood up and I felt as if I left my body sleeping. As I looked at the figure I was confused. It  was me, but not me. It was as if I had an identical twin, but this twin looked like a "dead" version of me, He looked extremely sad, extremally lonely and was blue. 

 He didn't speak , but I could tell he wanted to "move back in" to my soul. His eyes were like a lost puppy or a rejected child. He spoke to me through his eye. He wanted so desperately to be rejoined with me.  My soul felt bad for him, but I told him that he had to leave. He stood there, not wanting to, but I commanded him again to leave. 

 He slumped his head and began to walk away, but as he did , I felt something in me drawing him back, and he sensed it. He turned back and looked at me like an child seeing if he could run back to an angry parent. I said again, this time it hurt me to say, "no you have to leave". This happen several more times. As he would turn to leave, something in my soul would draw him to turn back toward me again.  One final time with a resolve from within, I told him he had to leave. I laid back down. 

 My reason for sharing this experience is because I believe this played out recently in this natural realm in my life and I want to inform others on their journey of a pitfall, so they can avoid it.  

 I was experiencing a time of freedom and deliverance in my walk with The Lord. He has been so faithful to bring certain keys of deliverance into my life. Through a time of preparation with a coach , time in His Word and a return to in person services where His presence was manifesting in deliverance and healing,  He has broken free from several major strongholds in my soul. 

 Then the other night I had some very disturbing dreams. They came at a bad time, but that is when The Tempter comes, he looks for a more opportune time.  I woke up in the morning with a resolve not to allow those dreams to cause me to fall. I declared that The Lord was faithful and I was not going to allow the attacks on my dreams to doubt His Goodness. The Holy Spirit was with me. I could sense His presence helping me, leading me and strengthening me. 

 Then something happened that triggered a depression of sorts in me. Even then , The Lord was with me, I was led to admit somethings out loud, and except somethings  by giving voice to them. It was very difficult, but at the same time freeing. 

 However, as the day dragged on, I sensed the old stronghold of the fog of depression falling over my mind. Not a depression that is normally talked about, but more like the twin version of me I talked about above.  The clarity I had known for the past few weeks began to fade. I was saying the words of freedom, but I was allowing the lying whispers of defeat speak stronger than The Holy Spirit. 

 The amazing thing about The Lord is that He was right there with me. He didn't leave me, nor did His presence weaken at all as I slid down the slope. I then began to remember the experience I had that I spoke about above and I watched it play out the rest of the day and into the night.  I let that depressed spirit hang out just a little too long. The Lord was saying "just rest in my presence" but I kept drawing the old thing back to me by allowing self pity and self introspection to fog my mind and dampen my spirit. 

 Self pity was a major part of the hidden "spirit" that grew inside me all my life. The broken child, the abandoned child, the abused child, the scared child was pushed down and hidden under layers and layers of coping sins and weights. The Lord pealed away those things to expose the parasitic twin that hindered me all my life. The twin that fed on my creativity , took away my God given strength and wisdom.  This alternate version of myself was working in cooperation with its task masters of the flesh and the devil.  

 I said all that to say this. God is faithful. I may have fallen that day, I may have allowed myself to embrace that parasitic version of myself, but I also learned what it looked like when it manifested in the natural course of my life. I learned so many things about myself, The Lord and what has kept me tripping up over and over, year after year.

  I will end with this, and I hope you really hold it close to your heart. A pastor at my church recently shred this version of this scripture and it really spoke to me. It speaks to the very heart of all this and I am willing to bet so many of the struggles many of you face. He is all in on setting you free, He truly wants to cover you and free you. He wants you to rest in him, even when the storms of your heart, flesh and mind are raging. 

 Often times we think resting in The Lord means that our emotions are resting. We don't think these verses will apply to us, because  our soul is in turmoil, our flesh is burning and we feel unworthy. However, these are the very times we need our Comforter, Our Healer, Our Advocate, Our Strength and Our Deliverer. 

 I plead with you to draw close to Him, no matter what you feel, what you have done, or how far you have fallen. Come out of the darkness, and into The Light of His Kingdom. He has already provided for you and prepared a place for you there. Not in the sweet by and by, but right now. 

Matthew 11:28-30 The Message Bible

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”